hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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