you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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