im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
