Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
this is an emotional support booty call
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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