the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize