um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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