You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
