So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
