rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You left your phone here
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