I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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