she woke up with a sticky ear
im having a threesome with these popsicles
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
