i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Boobs speak an international language.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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