How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
