U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize