I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
