It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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