If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
