she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
