You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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