I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
