maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
