i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
