i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
