Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
