Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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