Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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