I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
