there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
