You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
