When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
