I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
