is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
