is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Come see our sink grown plant.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize