I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
