He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
