but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize