i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
