lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
