I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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