This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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