Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
