Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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