video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
