M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
