you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
