he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
