My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
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