Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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