I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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