I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
