after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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