Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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