help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
