I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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