yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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