Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
