Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
