Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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