I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
