god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Bring me that man meat
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
