He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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