That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
