i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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