I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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