Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
