I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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