I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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