There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
