can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
