I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
