I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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