so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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