I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
